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Post by Taliesin on May 14, 2014 20:15:32 GMT -6
There's a thread on another forum frequent that raises the whole question of whether or not women should propose to men when it comes to marriage. It's been an interesting (and somewhat frustrating) discussion, and I thought that since we're all adult enough to handle differing opinions here then why not have our own little chat about it?
So, here's the thing...
Apparently, only about five percent of all marriages in America began with the woman proposing even though a much larger portion of Americans (three quarters) have said they'd be cool with it. I wonder why the reality doesn't match up with most people's attitudes on this.
The discussion that was had on the other forum got off to a contentious start with the first response essentially saying that a man who waits for his partner to pop the question first is not really a man. This first response then went on to say that the woman in question may as well hand the man a dress since he is that pathetic.
Needless to say, things got really heated from that point.
So, what are your thoughts on all of this? Should it be perfectly acceptable for women to propose to men, or do you hold to a more traditional view? Does it somehow make a man less a man if he doesn't pop the question first? I'd love to know.
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Post by Midnattblod on May 14, 2014 22:29:00 GMT -6
I don't see why it should matter. the only person you need to worry about what they think is you. if you're ok with your girlfriend proposing to you then that's fine and don't put any stock to what other people think. other people are more often then not morons cause everyone, me included, are morons or have our moronic moments. I don't think it should matter. just like asking a girl on a date. for someone like me that's really hard to do.
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Post by Crouton on May 15, 2014 2:11:30 GMT -6
Shouldn't matter at all, if a woman wants to be to one the ask then that's fine. The thinking that it should always be a man is archaic.
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Post by Firiath on May 15, 2014 14:32:02 GMT -6
I agree with Midnattblod and Crouton. Why should it not be acceptable for women to propose? And who cares, anyway? The discussion that was had on the other forum got off to a contentious start with the first response essentially saying that a man who waits for his partner to pop the question first is not really a man. This first response then went on to say that the woman in question may as well hand the man a dress since he is that pathetic. Where do people get this kind of b-s? That sounds like it would come from the kind of people who'd want their wives to be housewives because they think that's a woman's job. Maybe someone should tell them we've reached the 21st century. |
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Post by Taliesin on May 15, 2014 15:39:26 GMT -6
Where do people get this kind of b-s? That sounds like it would come from the kind of people who'd want their wives to be housewives because they think that's a woman's job. Maybe someone should tell them we've reached the 21st century. It sure got me steaming when I read that, I can tell you. And, if you think about it, he was kind of saying (albeit in an indirect kind of way) that women are a lesser species. By saying that a man who lets his woman propose to him is no better than women in general... well, he can't think much of women then can he? |
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Post by Liv the Librarian on May 15, 2014 17:39:04 GMT -6
The discussion that was had on the other forum got off to a contentious start with the first response essentially saying that a man who waits for his partner to pop the question first is not really a man. This first response then went on to say that the woman in question may as well hand the man a dress since he is that pathetic. This guy (assuming it is a guy) clearly has issues with his self-image if he thinks that being asked to be married by the woman he loves makes him less of a man. That being said, I personally wouldn't ask my partner to marry me. Not because I'm a traditionalist or anything, but because I just know that my boyfriend wants to have a huge romantic proposal and wants it to be the best moment in my life (until our wedding day, then children etc), and I wouldn't want to rob him of that. |
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Post by Taliesin on May 15, 2014 22:21:44 GMT -6
This guy (assuming it is a guy) clearly has issues with his self-image if he thinks that being asked to be married by the woman he loves makes him less of a man. That being said, I personally wouldn't ask my partner to marry me. Not because I'm a traditionalist or anything, but because I just know that my boyfriend wants to have a huge romantic proposal and wants it to be the best moment in my life (until our wedding day, then children etc), and I wouldn't want to rob him of that. It is a guy. I think that's why the comment bothered me so much. I felt for sure that we were slowly ditching those kinds of attitudes, but I guess not quite yet. I can just imagine your boyfriend getting all excited about that actually. It's quite sweet that you would consider his wishes when it comes to him proposing! It sounds like it'll be a huge deal for him (and of course for you)! As for me, I wish I'd put a little more thought into my proposal. I'd been thinking about it for some time, and coming up with all kinds of romantic ways to do it, but ended up asking my soon-to-be-wife on an escalator in a shopping centre. At the bottom, we were dating. At the top, we were engaged. Oh well, at least we went and did something romantic afterwards. My timing has always been atrocious. |
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Post by TAZ on May 27, 2014 8:06:32 GMT -6
just my 2c Liv, but couldn't you do a "you better propose soon or i'll chop it off" proposal?
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Post by sjfaerlind on May 27, 2014 11:48:52 GMT -6
just my 2c Liv, but couldn't you do a "you better propose soon or i'll chop it off" proposal? but...but...if she followed through on the threat, is it not possible that he might develop issues with his masculinity at that point? Like you Tal, I'm surprised that there are people who still think this way in the modern day. I think most of us are just unwitting slaves to traditions that no longer have any real meaning behind them. Obviously, some still hold to the idea of traditional gender roles. I can't say that I'm one of them however. I think it's perfectly fine for either partner to propose marriage. Having said that, my husband was the one who did the proposing in our case. I can honestly say that I would never have considered proposing to him. If I think about why, I don't think it had anything to do with gender roles. It just didn't really matter to me whether we officially got married or not. I would have been fine with just living together. I also think a proposal from me would have scared the crap out of him. We started dating at age 16 so we were together from when we were pretty young. By the time I was old enough to consider a step as big as marriage, he just wasn't mentally ready for that yet. Commitment? Adult responsibility? OMG noooooo!!!!!! lmao  By leaving it up to him, I knew he was finally OK with the idea. We got married when we were 25. I can't say that I regret doing it that way. We knew each other really well by then and had been living together for 3 years already. |
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Post by Liv the Librarian on May 27, 2014 21:54:50 GMT -6
I'm not really concerned about getting married either, nor do I really want a ceremony, but my SO is a huge romantic so he's all about a big proposal and a beautiful wedding.. I'm like ... eeeh take me to the courthouse and let's sign the papers lol
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Post by sjfaerlind on May 28, 2014 5:07:21 GMT -6
I'm not really concerned about getting married either, nor do I really want a ceremony, but my SO is a huge romantic so he's all about a big proposal and a beautiful wedding.. I'm like ... eeeh take me to the courthouse and let's sign the papers lol Awwww... When I asked my husband what he wanted when we were planning our wedding he looked at me and said, "Just tell me where and when to show up, OK?" lol |
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Post by TAZ on May 28, 2014 5:51:37 GMT -6
sounds about right LOL
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Post by Liv the Librarian on May 28, 2014 9:55:58 GMT -6
I'm not really concerned about getting married either, nor do I really want a ceremony, but my SO is a huge romantic so he's all about a big proposal and a beautiful wedding.. I'm like ... eeeh take me to the courthouse and let's sign the papers lol Awwww... When I asked my husband what he wanted when we were planning our wedding he looked at me and said, "Just tell me where and when to show up, OK?" lol I think I'm the guy in that aspect. I love my boyfriend to death, don't get me wrong, but I don't care about frivolities like weddings lol. I think they can be very special to people and I'm sure I'll cry on my wedding day and it'll be a great experience etc etc... but like I said, I'd still just as soon go to the courthouse and become Mrs. Campbell that way lol. I don't like dresses or large crowds/groups of people, I don't like half the people I feel obligated to invite, Billy has more groomsmen than I have bridesmaids, there's always the problem of money (cough), I refuse to have it in a church/have any religion involved (which is going to piss off his family beyond belief)............. courthouse sounds better every day lol |
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Post by sjfaerlind on May 29, 2014 7:39:12 GMT -6
I think I'm the guy in that aspect. I love my boyfriend to death, don't get me wrong, but I don't care about frivolities like weddings lol. I think they can be very special to people and I'm sure I'll cry on my wedding day and it'll be a great experience etc etc... but like I said, I'd still just as soon go to the courthouse and become Mrs. Campbell that way lol. I don't like dresses or large crowds/groups of people, I don't like half the people I feel obligated to invite, Billy has more groomsmen than I have bridesmaids, there's always the problem of money (cough), I refuse to have it in a church/have any religion involved (which is going to piss off his family beyond belief)............. courthouse sounds better every day lol Yeahhhh.... I've never been involved in a wedding that wasn't a huge compromise on the part of all involved. I honestly don't know what comes over people when a wedding is in the works. Rationality goes out the window and everybody thinks their own opinion is the only one that matters. It's a pretty stressful event actually. In spite of that, it's still a pretty special day and it's a darn good excuse to: 1) Waste a ton of money on making sure everyone looks like a million bucks. (Trust me... never again, so enjoy it while the opportunity is there...lol) 2) Have a big party. 3) Line everybody up so you can throw things at them (watch out for the thorny roses in the bouquet!). 4) Have everybody cheer when you give the love of your life a NSFW kiss in front of everyone. 5) Write truly awful speeches and feel satisfied when your relatives are forced to listen politely to them. 6) Find out what it's actually like to be waited upon hand and foot. A woman in one of those darn wedding gowns is treated like royalty for a reason. Seriously, it isn't even possible to go to the bathroom alone while wearing one. You either have to take them off to pee (and that cannot be done without help) or your bridesmaids have to hold the darn thing up in the bathroom for you. hahahaha |
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Post by Firiath on Jun 5, 2014 12:39:15 GMT -6
I don't like dresses or large crowds/groups of people, I don't like half the people I feel obligated to invite, Billy has more groomsmen than I have bridesmaids, there's always the problem of money (cough), I refuse to have it in a church/have any religion involved (which is going to piss off his family beyond belief)............. courthouse sounds better every day lol That sounds exactly like my point of view! Sorry if this is going too far off topic, but it's shocking how much that sounds like my situation. O__o Only that my bf isn't a hopeless romantic, and I don't see neither of us proposing to the other in the near future.  But we talked about this only two days ago, when we talked about the eventuality of marriage. Because his family is very religious and I'd never agree to a church wedding, and of course that would lead to massive drama, which is why I think we'll never marry. |
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By leaving it up to him, I knew he was finally OK with the idea. We got married when we were 25. I can't say that I regret doing it that way. We knew each other really well by then and had been living together for 3 years already. 
But we talked about this only two days ago, when we talked about the eventuality of marriage. Because his family is very religious and I'd never agree to a church wedding, and of course that would lead to massive drama, which is why I think we'll never marry.